Why I Haven't Been In a Bar

I am 21 and have never been to a bar. I think that's pretty normal for where I live, most of my friends haven't either. Why haven't I been and why don't I go to bars on a regular basis? Well I think it's one of those alcohol-culture things that non-drinkers don't really understand. So I asked a bunch of people who are in the same boat as me why they had never been or why they never go to bars, here is a summary of the answers I got:

- "I feel like that's against the Word of Wisdom" - that is a direct quote from a Mormon friend of mine who shall remain unnamed. This is a little extreme, but it is hard to understand why a person who doesn't drink would want to go to a place that just seems like a place to drink.

-I feel like I would have to get a new wardrobe to start going to bars; I don't have adequate bar-wear. I would describe my impression of bar-wear as....business-party? For women, it's maybe silky, maybe a little revealing, maybe just a little inviting, maybe just something that will get attention in some way. For men? It definitely involves a little bit of gel in the hair, or at least hair that has clearly been done, nice jeans, and a shirt with sleeves you can roll up. Anyway, bar-wear is not my style.

-It seems like one primary motivator for going to bars is meeting people, and or hooking up. I enjoy meeting new people, but usually in a somewhat controlled environment. Going to a bar to meet people just seems to be a crapshoot in the sea of humanity. Also, bars don't seem like ideal places for conversation. How are you supposed to talk to and get to know people with the loud music? Plus the bar-type, like this guy...not my type.

-I don't dance in front of people when in my right mind. Due to the fact that I don't drink - reaching the dancing state of mind is difficult and rare.

-Most people seem to come out of bars drunk, or at least mentally disadvantaged somehow.

-Bars are where girls get raped and drugged and stalked by creepy, greasy alcoholics!

-I don't know what bars to go to, do you just pick one and head in? Is there some 'guide to fun bars' I don't know about?

So all of those are assumptions/perceptions about bars from non-bar goers. Some may seem a little ridiculous, but I think I believed each and every one at one point in my life, and I know many people who still believe them all! In reality, my situation is less a result of avoidance, and more a lack of ambition to go, no one's ever suggested it as a possible activity. It just hasn't come up. However, that changes now. I want to see these social gathering places up close. I just need some friends to volunteer to assist in my education....who's in?

Beverage in Hand - A Social Must

My first real introduction to this aspect of alcohol culture was about two years ago. I went to visit some 'insider' (alcohol drinking) friends of mine. They welcomed me into their house, and after offering to take my coat, they immediately offered me something to drink. I declined, thinking that was perfectly acceptable because I wasn't thirsty. I sat down and they again asked me if I wouldn't like something to drink, they even opened their fridge to show me the possibilities, "We have orange juice, milk, fizzy water, don't you want anything?" I felt obliged and simply said, "Water would be great." They asked if I wanted ice, I said no, because I really didn't plan on drinking much I thought the extra work of putting ice in the cup would be wasteful. But as they re-filled their drinks, they continued to ask me if I needed more, so I felt obliged to drink more.

All of this liquid consumption, which I was not used to (my only beverage drinking typically comes at mealtimes, and one glass usually suffices) left me with a very great need to use the restroom.  However, I do not enjoy asking people to use their facilities, and I especially did not feel comfortable doing so there because that was only the second time I'd visited their home. So I eventually took my leave, thinking I would be fine driving the fifteen minutes back to my house.

On the drive home I was bouncing, humming, yelling, and sweating profusely, all in an effort to restrain my ridiculously full bladder. It came in waves, one second I thought I was going to be fine, but the next I was looking for places I could pull over so at the very least I wouldn’t completely ruin the seat of my car forever. I finally pulled into my driveway, and thought I’d made it. But as I pulled into the garage I lost it.

Quick as a wink I jumped out of the car to avoid getting anything more than necessary on the seat. Unfortunately I had forgotten to put the car in park. So, as ‘liquid’ was flowing down both legs I reached one leg into the car to stop it's slow roll into the garage, while still attempting to keep one leg out of the car and out of the garage so as to ensure that any and all resulting stains would remain outside the garage and on the driveway. That was the dramatic end to my night...straddling a car half-in the garage and the snow outside it in jeans that were completely soaked through.

Although it was only recently pointed out to me in so many words, I have learned that not holding a beverage when others are, is against some unwritten social norm. When in the company of drinkers, one must be a drinker. But one must also remember to be bold: use the bathroom.

Mormons Don't Drink - Does It Mean They Can't Know?

So I wrote this post titled 'Alcohol from the Outside', an endeavor to show how little I knew about alcohol and maybe provide some perspective for my alcohol-drinking friends and how mysterious the entire alcohol-related culture was to us 'outsiders'. I got quite a few responses, and as a result I have decided to attempt to bridge the gap between the 'insiders' and 'outsiders' here.

I'm going to attempt to understand alcohol culture as a non-drinker. As I acquire alcohol-related enlightenment, I will share my experiences here, for the education of the naive and amusement of the savvy.

I welcome comments and participation from all. Wish me luck!